NEVER STOP PLAYING

It’s my first day of secondary school and it’s break time. 

“We don’t play here” says a voice. 

We stop.

Me and a few people I know from my primary school are running about probably making noise, probably in some ‘make believe’ game. 

An older girl is looking down at us disgustedly. 

We look around.

We get the message. 

No one else is running around pretending to be animals. Embarrassing. 

We needed to start acting more like everyone else. 

I remember that moment for some reason. I remember the concrete steps and walls of Cavendish School. And I remember the sinking feeling. If we can’t play… then what?! 

Then, I remember walking into the drama studio. We had it once a week. We had to run around and pretend we were wading through mud or grass or something

I was really wading through the mud, you know? And then the realisation 

Ok,

I can play here. 

I think I decided then that I never wanted to stop playing. That I still could, but now only in certain places. Drama for me was that place. 

Someone asked me a while a go, “how did you get into drama” and I remembered this moment.

I feel sad for my confused 11 year old self and grateful for having my childhood preserved for so long.

Growing up is hard.

Finding your place is hard.

But I’m also so incredibly grateful that that space was there for me when I needed it. And to the woman who was my drama teacher, I don’t even remember her name, she was there only for a year or two, because I really remember that feeling of freedom she evoked in me.

The feeling of pure joy and play.

I needed to keep that feeling.

I was not willing to give that up for the adult world.

I suppose people find that in different places, music, art, reading, up a tree. That great teacher left and I bumbled along, I got a few small roles in a few plays and had fun with my friend (singular). I wasn’t spectacular and I nearly gave it up, but after school I gave it another go and other great teachers gave me back that feeling.

Now I’m an adult. And I still have a promise to myself.

Never. stop. playing.